Thursday, January 12, 2012
I've talked a lot on this blog about my dreams...how they stay with me for days. How they haunt me. How sometimes, I don't want to go to sleep because I don't want to dream at all. Two nights ago, I had the classic work-anxiety dream...my camera didn't work, the models didn't want to do the shoot, the light was constantly changing, I got lost a few times, there were crowds of people in the way, and other people were criticizing me the whole time...questioning my decisions...and there was a random crying baby I was babysitting. While working.
And frankly, this doesn't cover the half of it. But you get the gist.
What I'm left with is the feeling that nothing will go right, there will always be impossible obstacles in my way, and I will never live up to other's expectations.
I could go a few ways in my battle against negative thoughts here...but today, the most freeing thing I can think of is this...I am allowed to fail. Things will go wrong. There might be impossible obstacles. And it's very likely that I will disappoint people in the process.
And that's okay.
I have a book called "The Awe-Manac, a daily dose of wonder" by Jill Badonsky and today, at the bottom of the page, it said "Today I get to.....(fill in the blank)...."
I put in a few things like I get to be awesome, I get to be fierce, I get to be creative. But the one "get to" that really felt peaceful within my soul is "Today I get to fail." Ahhhhh. The permission to fail. The permission to make mistakes, to not have the answer, to get lost. Pretty great.
What's your answer to "Today I get to...................................................."?