Friday, January 27, 2012

now.



Sorry I've been MIA for a bit.  Lot's of stuff going on. Almost none of it is appropriate to talk about on a blog. :) It's strange, this blog thing...how it's changed over the years, as my business has grown. I yearn to be real and open with the world. To the extent that I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself in the name of authenticity. But this is not the place to pour my soul. There is a very real amount of censorship and editing with every single sentence I write. I think about image and respectability and consumer confidence.

Needless to say (and sorry for being so cryptic!), it's been a rough start to the new year. My birthday is next week and every time I think about it, I get sad and maybe even a little panicked. I start thinking about where I should be at this place in my life. Like my life should be neat and contained, wrapped with a pretty bow.

But life is messy. And sometimes there is nothing to contain you, define you, comfort you with labels and bows.

My vacation from the blah is living in the now. Sitting with it. Accepting it. Being in it. Rather than being fearful of the future, to enjoy every single detail of now. Instead of thinking "I am never going to get all of my work done today..." I will choose to listen to the typing of my fingers while I write this. Congratulate myself for showing up on my blog today (for the 4 readers out there...and btw, thanks Mom for being one of them!). To taste, REALLY taste my green tea. To be so thankful for the shelter we live in while it's so windy and cold outside. To do one thing at a time. One breathe at a time. Now.

(Okay, so that would be a really good place to stop this blog post, but I want to take a moment to put people at ease...my marriage, health, & business are fine. Much is thriving. It's just been one of those months. )

4 comments:

Wynn Anne Sibbald said...

You need to start a separate (anonymous) blog to pour your heart out. There is real therapy/catharsis in doing so, but it doesn't always mesh well with the business persona.

Cathy said...

Thank Wynn Anne! I journal almost daily, so that usually does it for me. Today, I would've felt "false" if I came on my blog and talked about my latest finds on Pinterest (NOT that there's anything wrong with that!) or a new recipe that I found or my latest amazing photo of whatever. :) KWIM?

Kimi said...

Wanna feel better about your life? I forgot to pick up my kids from school the other day. Yup, totally forgot. Came home from the gym, showered, ate potato chips, watched a video from Redbox. And the really sad part is that it is not the first time it's happened. Is this the straw that send my camels into therapy?

Oh, and no one wants to play scramble with me.

Cathy said...

Kimi...THANK YOU!!! Yup, that actually totally makes me feel better! :) <3